Nights like last night make me wish I had a smart phone. I wish I could have live-tweeted the play-by-play of what was going on in the theater prior to my late night viewing of Gone Girl. I arrived at the theater around 9:45 for a 10:00 show. Nothing was playing on the screen yet. Normally there's commercials and special features playing, but nothing this night. It's not the first time I've encountered this during a late night showing at AMC, but it's always a little weird, especially when you can hear all the little conversations going on around you. I carefully picked my seat, being unsatisfied with the seating arrangement of this particular theater. 2nd row from the front of the back section, right in the center. Two gossiping girls were in the row in front of me, off to my left, while a couple was seated in the row behind me, off to my right.
As I sat there, soaking in the uncomfortable silence of the moment, I pulled out a box of Milk Duds that I had hidden in my pocket. I've never actually snuck in candy before. I just happened to have some candy left over from a giant gift basket I received as a graduation present. I had noticed a few days prior that the remaining candy was close to expiring, and Milk Duds are my favorite movie theater candy, so I decided to do it. Seriously, I was the kind of kid who would keep his Halloween candy all year long, or at least until my brothers raided my candy stash. I don't think I in any way constitute a hoarder, but I guess I've just never seen the point of rushing through something good. I like to savor things. Hence Milk Duds being my favorite. They're the one candy that will last you the entire length of a movie. Wink, wink! ;)
Okay, getting back to the story. There I am, sitting in the dark, about to enjoy Milk Duds for the first time in easily five years. I don't normally eat or drink anything in theaters. Eating leads to drinking, and drinking leads to needing to pee, and needing to pee leads to either missing some of the movie or sitting through excruciating torture while desperately waiting for the movie to end. You know what I'm talking about! Not to mention that a small cup in a theater is like an outrageous 32 ounces! Nobody could survive that! It's like an evil theater ploy to make you have to pee so you'll miss the best part of the movie and you'll have to come back and see it a 2nd time. Am I right or am I right?! This is the REAL reason why movie ticket sales are down this year. People have had enough of this outrage and are opting to watch movies at home instead, where they can pause and pee freely!
You'll have to pardon my rambling. It's late and I should probably be sleeping right now. Anyway, as you can imagine, I like to avoid that situation entirely and just take my movies a la carte. Just me, and the movie, and my complete undivided attention. (Speaking of that, I also have this thing about exit signs. It totally bothers me when exit signs are visible in your peripheral vision while you're trying to watch a movie. Look, we know where the exits are. In case of an emergency, I'm sure I could find a way out. If they're going to be visible, can they at least dim them when the movie starts like the rest of the lighting? That would be great.) Okay, okay, back to my story. I open my box of Milk Duds, and it appears I'm too late. They're clearly already old and bad. I had no choice but to ditch the box. Serves me right for sneaking in candy, I guess.
So there I sit, sans Milk Duds. Still nothing on the screen. In front of me, the two girls are quietly gossiping amongst themselves about the fact that Ben Affleck has a full-frontal nude scene in the movie. I found out about this myself just a couple days ago and wasn't so thrilled about having to see it. Still, I can respect any actor who actually has the courage to do that. It really takes some balls. (Ha-haha-haha.) Meanwhile, I could also hear the couple behind me quietly arguing with each other. I try to mind my own business, but its persistent. It goes on for several minutes and it's actually sounding pretty juicy. I think they might be breaking up in that very moment, in a movie theater before the movie, of all places. The guy's voice is starting to crack. I think he's crying. Awwwkwwward! She gets up and walks out. That's when I notice she's easily got 20 years on him. I sat there wondering what was more awkward; what just happened, or the fact that I was about to see Ben Affleck's batarang. Oh man. I had enough of all that. It was time to switch seats.
You'll have to pardon my rambling. It's late and I should probably be sleeping right now. Anyway, as you can imagine, I like to avoid that situation entirely and just take my movies a la carte. Just me, and the movie, and my complete undivided attention. (Speaking of that, I also have this thing about exit signs. It totally bothers me when exit signs are visible in your peripheral vision while you're trying to watch a movie. Look, we know where the exits are. In case of an emergency, I'm sure I could find a way out. If they're going to be visible, can they at least dim them when the movie starts like the rest of the lighting? That would be great.) Okay, okay, back to my story. I open my box of Milk Duds, and it appears I'm too late. They're clearly already old and bad. I had no choice but to ditch the box. Serves me right for sneaking in candy, I guess.
So there I sit, sans Milk Duds. Still nothing on the screen. In front of me, the two girls are quietly gossiping amongst themselves about the fact that Ben Affleck has a full-frontal nude scene in the movie. I found out about this myself just a couple days ago and wasn't so thrilled about having to see it. Still, I can respect any actor who actually has the courage to do that. It really takes some balls. (Ha-haha-haha.) Meanwhile, I could also hear the couple behind me quietly arguing with each other. I try to mind my own business, but its persistent. It goes on for several minutes and it's actually sounding pretty juicy. I think they might be breaking up in that very moment, in a movie theater before the movie, of all places. The guy's voice is starting to crack. I think he's crying. Awwwkwwward! She gets up and walks out. That's when I notice she's easily got 20 years on him. I sat there wondering what was more awkward; what just happened, or the fact that I was about to see Ben Affleck's batarang. Oh man. I had enough of all that. It was time to switch seats.
I worked my way down to the front section, which disappointingly only had 2 rows. I typically favor the back row of the front section. I find most people are afraid to sit anywhere in the front section, thinking it's too close. However, the back seats are usually far enough away that you can see the whole screen comfortably, without having to sprain your neck or turn your head to see the whole picture. In a big theater, the front section is usually 10-15 rows deep, so the back rows are the ideal distance from the screen. Provided that it's more than a few rows long, there are actually some major perks to the front section. First of all, since you're looking up at more of an angle, the seats usually recline. Nice! Also, I find that the temperature is much cooler. Heat rises, so the elevated back section can get pretty warm, especially when it fills up with people and becomes crowded. And most importantly, hardly anyone ever goes to the front section at all. It's where I go and I usually have the whole section to myself. I can sit there undisturbed. I don't hear the other movie-goers, nor do I have to deal with people walking in front of me or distracting my field of view. It's great. You should try it. But don't all of you try it at once because then it would be crowded like the back section and that would just ruin the whole appeal.
Anyway, these front seats? They were actually too close. Not to mention there was like a plate of nachos or something stuck to the back of a chair just a few seats away from the center seat I chose. The cleaning crew must have missed that one. Kind of gross and smelly. Now I'm stuck in a bad situation. I'm already the guy who got up and switched seats, which makes it look like I'm a jerk who is annoyed by the people around me. I wouldn't be surprised if the gossip girls were gossiping about it. To switch seats again would just make me look like a weirdo. So now I'm stuck here, about to watch a 2 and a half hour movie, and I'm way too close. I need to get out of this. It's too close for comfort. It's a neck-ache waiting to happen. I need a plan!
Anyway, these front seats? They were actually too close. Not to mention there was like a plate of nachos or something stuck to the back of a chair just a few seats away from the center seat I chose. The cleaning crew must have missed that one. Kind of gross and smelly. Now I'm stuck in a bad situation. I'm already the guy who got up and switched seats, which makes it look like I'm a jerk who is annoyed by the people around me. I wouldn't be surprised if the gossip girls were gossiping about it. To switch seats again would just make me look like a weirdo. So now I'm stuck here, about to watch a 2 and a half hour movie, and I'm way too close. I need to get out of this. It's too close for comfort. It's a neck-ache waiting to happen. I need a plan!
10:02. The screen is still blank. The movie should have started already. This is a chance for me to get out. I walk out of the theater room, looking for an employee to notify them that the movie hasn't started. He tells me they'll get to work on it right away, so I head back in and go back to my original seat. Mission: accomplished! Switched seats twice without looking like an idiot (well... I hope so, anyway). The guy behind me still sits alone. A lot more people have come in at this point. More than usual for a Thursday night opening. (Another pro-tip: movies now open Thursday night starting as early as 8:00 PM rather than midnight. Most people don't seem to be aware of this as the theater is usually pretty empty on Thursday nights, while it's much more crowded on Friday nights. Take advantage of this if you want to get a jump on seeing movies early and avoiding the crowds.)
10:10. Everyone is wondering why the previews haven't started. There's probably around 20 people in the theater at this point. All these people showing up "late". No respect for the trailers. Oh well. Today they get a free pass. I've become a little more relaxed in my need to see the trailers these days, considering I've seen most of them multiple times now (from posting them on the site, taking screenshots, and just going to the show every week). I'm never one to ask for handouts, but at this point, the thought of complaining to get a free ticket next time is crossing my mind. I should clarify that I have nothing against AMC. Since starting the site, I've gone exclusively to AMC, choosing between three of their theaters in the area. I usually have a good experience, but strange and comical things do happen at theaters sometimes.
10:10. Everyone is wondering why the previews haven't started. There's probably around 20 people in the theater at this point. All these people showing up "late". No respect for the trailers. Oh well. Today they get a free pass. I've become a little more relaxed in my need to see the trailers these days, considering I've seen most of them multiple times now (from posting them on the site, taking screenshots, and just going to the show every week). I'm never one to ask for handouts, but at this point, the thought of complaining to get a free ticket next time is crossing my mind. I should clarify that I have nothing against AMC. Since starting the site, I've gone exclusively to AMC, choosing between three of their theaters in the area. I usually have a good experience, but strange and comical things do happen at theaters sometimes.
10:15. Gone Girl begins. No previews are shown. Finally, I can sit back and watch the movie. Once I get this blog posted, I'm gonna go straight to writing the review, so look for it soon. All I'll say here is that it is as good as you would expect from director David Fincher (Se7en, Fight Club, The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo). I expect it to get a lot of Oscar nominations come March. Easily one of the best of the year. Some of the audience whined about the ending hitting so abruptly, but I thought it was great. Like Se7en, it has the kind of ending that will have you thinking about the film long after you see it.
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